Frolicking Bunny Snow Day Special!

We know.

Shocking.

A full year's hiatus for the Top, but now gleefully reincarnated as a frolicking little snow bunny thanks the most recent "Blizzacane."

A lot has happened in the past 12 months--the Yankees actually won something (thank you, by the way!) and the Saints finally broke the levee, so to speak.

But easily the biggest story of the past 12 months has been our dear friend Tiger Woods whose off the course focus(foci) is now the stuff of infamy. Oh, it's not enough to marry a hot Swedish twin, god, how boring that must get. Try picking up some random ugly girls--that's much more challenging. Stupid. Really Stupid.

But not as idiotic as Sea World.......

They seriously need to improve their training programs to include important tips like these:

1) Orca, or as they are more commonly known "Killer whales", can be deadly animals. Employ caution, for example:

2) Do not rub your pony tail on the whale, he may mistake it for "food"--uh, like a fricking squid for example!

3) Tillikum, the whale in question, has been linked to two other deaths at Sea World, so be especially careful around him.

4) Tillikum weighs 6,000 pounds. That's a lot, and significantly more than most humans.

5) And finally, don't alarm the children in the crowd by getting yourself eaten or anything! There's a recession going and we need all the customers we can get!

Maybe it's time for Sea World to consider a re-branding to Snow Bunny World. At the very least, they could have at least staged the incident during an actual showtime. How badass would that have been to see?

Well, it's a bit of an off night. In fact, this is an odd time to relaunch the Top--you know it's sports no-man's land when Curling is the best thing going......

But there are a few college baskeball games going, so we'll take a shot at them, especially since one of them has us scratching our heads:

Iowa at Northwestern, O/U 124.5

Bottom of the barrel, that's for sure. 7-19 Iowa visits 17-10 Northwestern, who desperately needs every win to back into the tourney. The teams average 127 and 134 points respectively and NW has covered the over in 5 of it's last 6 home games, missing only against the most BORING team in college basketball, Michigan State.

Take the Over.....

Arizona at California, O/U 149

My how the mighty have fallen. Neither team is likely to make the tournament. The Pac Ten sucks this year and will be lucky to get two teams in.....Cal might be one of them. But they aren't doing it by scoring! 8 of their last 10 have been under this number and Arizona isn't a team that likes to push the tempo.

Take the Under.....

Well, the Top is in a busy season at work, so it's not likely this will be a daily event. But we'll try to keep you modestly informed and hopefully amused.

Go Stuff!

The Top

And speaking of bankers.......

A new social phenomena has emerged just in time for SuperBowl Sunday and they are called, "Dating a Bankers Anonymous" or just known as DABA. This actual site is a place for girlfriends and wives to go blog and bitch with each other over how horrible their lives have supposedly become.













http://http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/28/wall-street-wives-and-gir_n_161573.html

Those banker Superbowl parties are going to be a real drag--what with new low amounts of money to wager and Budweiser instead of Bordeaux and Sierra Nevada. You know, kind of like living in your parent's house because you lost yours when the housing and stock market collapsed thanks to the asshole bankers.

The Top finds this utterly disgusting and almost impossible to dismiss casually on a variety of levels. We offer the following words of advice:

• Don't marry a banker. While there are no generalizations in this world, every banker we've met is either arrogant, greedy, self-absorbed, over-educated and under intelligent, boring or a combination of all of the above!

• Go to college, take American History, third quarter, usually called, "American History III or sometimes, American History 1941 to present." Even in our lifetime there have been at least 5 major market meltdowns and the last three were caused by bankers. You should have known what you were getting into!

• Stop Bitching! It's actually your fault!: it's not that you went out with a banker, it's that you picked the wrong one. Next time, try one of the Goldman Sachs guys who all made out like bandits. Or maybe save more, like in a BANK?

Speaking of making out like a bandit, it's time for the biggest wagering day of the year, and The Top is back just in time to help avoid the same losses these poor girls have faced.

Arizona -7, Over/Under 46.5

Bet against a hot team in the Superbowl. We think not--we saw that movie last year! Bet against a very strong defense in the Superbowl? We saw that movie too!

Instead, we like a close, somewhat low-scoring battle as the Steeler team contains the Cardinals and forces them to the air, but, as they have in many games all year, don't put that many points on the board themselves.

So play the under!

The Superbowl is so much more than the simple options and there is a lot of junk that we like as well:

Willie Parker, carries over 20.5. Steelers will be working hard to establish the running game. Parker is healthy and if they get any kind of a lead--watch out!

Steve Breaston, receiving yards over 35.5. The Steelers will throw everything at Fitzgerald and Boldin and this leaves Breaston with some interesting match-ups. This is basically 3 catches!

Kurt Warner, total yards passing over 255.5. Not a high total for a team that should be behind at some point.

We'll be back on the days running up to the bowl and may even chime in with some mid-game advice.

Until then, Happy Hunting and as usual:

Go Stuff!

The Top!

America's new villain.....is a Canadian!

Really, did you think the Top would let you down on the day before the NFL championships?

Not hardly, we're no Jon Gruden after all.  In fact, we're stepping right up to the plate, just like Tiger Woods, who recently accepted an invitation to speak at Barack's inauguration. 

Enthusiastically, we might add:

"I think that he's really inspired a bunch of people in our country, and we'll see what happens down the road," Woods said at the time.

Spoken like a true Buick-sponsored Republican!  We guess it's not enough to be married to a hot Swedish twin.

On the list of people we're already sick of is new American hero, Chelsey B. Sullenberger III., the US Air pilot who saved the lives of 150 innocent rednecks and 5 disgruntled crew members by landing his plane in the Hudson river after hitting two geese.

"Sully" who also conveniently happens to own a company specializing in safety and risk management negotiated a perfect landing, certain to resurrect a stock portfolio that must be struggling.  Risky PR, we think, but certainly a lot more powerful than JUST MISSING THE BIRDS IN THE FIRST PLACE!

$50 says he is mentioned at the inauguration!

All of this is puzzling the Top, just as is the disrespect being given the Cardinals and the Ravens. Oh, wait, they're America's new villains--THE BIRD!

Arizona +4, O/U 48.5, in Arizona

Beat darlings Atlanta, fly to Carolina (after not having won an East coast game all year) and beat the multi-weaponed Panthers, then return home to a rabid fan base against a perennially disappointing Philadelphia Eagles, and you're underdogs?  Huh? Last time we checked, Mr. Warner had a ring?  With Boldin healthy, the Edge showing mid 20's form and the defense playing well, we love the redbirds here.

Arizona and take the points.  hell, play them Money Line!

Pittsburgh -6 at Pittsburgh, O/U 34.5

Steer clear here....Pittsburgh erupted last week against the Chargers under similar weather conditions and Big Ben will have none of the jitters Mr. Flacco is certain to display.  Both teams will look to their defenses to get this done and both defenses are hurting.

We like the over unless it is pouring snow.  We don't think we'd touch the spread.

So there you have it.  We'll be back tomorrow, we thinks.

Until then, Happy Hunting and 

Go Stuff!

The Top

Bad Day in Blackrock....

"Bill--any chance I could have my old job back. My family is tired of living in NY. I was kidding about that taping stuff--really."

There are those of who had to go back to work yesterday, and there are those of us who didn't. 

Those of you didn't were joined by elite company yesterday as NFL management went on a Gaza strip airstrike of their own yesterday firing not one, but three head coaches and much of their staff.  It may not have a been a good day to be Palestinian, but being an Italian-American head coach was equally bad.  Here's the Roll of Honor:

Rod Marinelli, (Lions), (and yes, along with his son-in-law), his secondary coach and his assistant O-line coach. No shock here, we heard the Lions had a bad season.

Romeo Crennel, (Cleveland), why someone named Romeo had any business coaching in  the NFL escapes us---but thank god--he is also a trained and accomplished florist.

Eric Mangini, (NY Jets)--gee, don't go after Favre or anything, he was only the owner's idea!

All is not bad news, however.  There's already talk of an exciting new chain of football-themed Pizza restaurants called, Mangini/Marinelli--or "M & M" for short.  We hear their slogan is:

"When the best just isn't possible......"

Soon, we expect Wade Phillips to join as their spokesperson.

The Top was eerily accurate this past weekend--with photos to back it up!  Romo had his usual meltdown, the Patriots dominated and the Dolphins and Chad had their revenge. And the Sunday night game put the over through before the end of the third quarter. We could have run the table if we'd bothered to look at the Buffalo weather report and if the lame-ass Jets could have put 3 more points on the board.

You might think today is a boring, boring pre-New Year's eve lull.  Au Contraire.  We seem attracted to 3 ridiculous opportunities:

Hull City at home vs. Aston Villa, total goals over 2 @8/11

These two sides have managed a total of 26 goals in their last 3 matches. Hull started strong and has been going down-hull ever since.  Villa is contending for a spot in Europe.  We think this one should be a lock, but we aren't thumping the table--it's soccer after all!

The Humanitarian Bowl(why is it called the Humanitarian Bowl?):

Maryland+2/Reno

O/U 58.5

Does high-scoring Reno really think they can play with the ACC?  They sure couldn't play with Missouri when they lost 69-17 to them earlier in the year.  Maryland has played tough defensive ball all year, giving up 30 points only once to surging Florida State and beating teams like Cal, Wake Forest, and NC State.

We love Maryland and the points and we love the Under

The NY Knicks+5 at Charlotte

Over/Under  206.5

Betting on the Knicks? Is the Top on crack?  (possibly).  But the Knicks are the NBA's 4th highest scoring team and they have blown through 210 points 4 of their last 5 games. Charlotte sucks, the Knicks suck.  This will be street ball at its best.

Take the over.

We love this erratic holiday schedule and we'll probably be back tomorrow.  In the meantime, 

Happy Hunting, and,

Go Stuff!

The Top

Now that's the way to handle it.....

Introducing:

James Joseph Cialella

"an inspiration to angry fans everywhere....."

Mr. Cialella (fittingly from Philadelphia) is accused of shooting a person in a movie theater because he was angry that the man in front of him was talking.  Of course, he was probably angry that his girlfriend forced him to go see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button."  (see the Top's early post on Romantic Comedies).  We can hear the reviews now.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll take a bullet in the arm......

A stinging drama that really grips your heart......

Bring some tissues to this painful story of human suffering (you can use them to soak up the blood!)

There will be more blood in Philadelphia today when the Eagles kick off to the visiting Dallas Cowboys, in what has been a circus of a build-up.

Dallas -1.5

Over/Under 42.5

Who knows which Tony Romo will show up?  Who knows which Donovan McNabb will show up?  Will this be the Dallas Defense who stepped up against Pittsburgh? Will Barber play? Will Witten play? Will it matter for the Eagles? (It won't, because Tampa isn't losing at home to the Raiders!)

There are so many questions surrounding this one, that a timid approach is recommended. Nah.

Take the Eagles and take the over

McNabb is on the last year of his contract and Romo is a professional CHOKE.

New England-6 at Buffalo

Over/Under 41.5

We really don't get this spread.  The Patriots are firing on all cylinders and Buffalo is in shambles.  It's quite possible the Patriot defense may win this one on their own!

Take New England and take the OVER ( which is our best bet of the week).

Poor Jacksonville.  Early dark horses to win the Superbowl.  Now traveling to Baltimore in a must win game for the Rams.  This is going to be a slaughter.

Jacksonville +12

Over/Under 36

Skip the over/under--Baltimore has been crazily erratic from a scoring standpoint.  But back it up on the Ravens.

Miami Dolphins +3 at the Jets

Over/Under 43

Easily the most interesting game of the day as Chad Pennington plays the last game of the season against the team that ditched him.  The Jets (rhymes with Mets) have folded the last three weeks. They needed a miracle to beat the Bills and they got manhandled by the 49ers and Broncos.  Yecch.

The Dolphins show up here and we like the over.

And finally---

Denver +8 at San Diego

Over/Under 50

Who's kidding who?  Only a fool would bet a make or break game with an 8 point spread.  But this game went to 39-38 when they first met.  Neither team has a defense unless they are playing the Raiders.

Bet the over.

Well, that's it for now.  Try to take it easy on the Coors Light.  You've got 11 hours of football to watch and we need you upright!

Happy Hunting, and,

Go Stuff!

The Top

He's baaaaaaack!!! (Here's........Jerry!)

"Look, can y'all not understand statements?" Jones said. "What the hell is going on here? Really. I really don't understand what is going on. The coaching staff is in place. The coaching staff is in place. The building is here. You want to ask the question, what if it blows down?"

We just want to ask the question--what if the Cowboys lose to the Eagles on Sunday in some kind of coaching error? Fire Wade Phillips? Nah. Not committed, super-charged dedicated, lovable Jerry Jones. No, he's not whimsical (Pac Man Jones).......

Let's just hope he doesn't have a Santa Suit at home. 

There was a Christmas Eve massacre in Covina, California that was just mind-boggling. A disgruntled ex-husband dressed up as Santa and burned his former in-laws house to the ground with a blowtorch, randomly gunning down party goers as they left. Pretty clever disguise.

Top Ten Reasons for Dressing as Santa During a Murder Spree:

1. The blood won't show on the suit.  Ok, maybe the furry parts
   
2. You can escape on your magic sleigh
3. Now the kids will take naughty or nice seriously!
4. Pillow can be used to muffle the gun
5. Elves are not big enough to hold a weapon
6. You can give "opening up" a whole new meaning
7. Who's going to say "no" to Santa?
8. Over 10,000 blow-torches were given as gifts last year, mostly to crackheads.
9. Dressing as Jesus wouldn't give you the same presence
10. No one can catch you--you're not real!
    

Jerry in a Santa suit.  Doesn't sound that far-fetched....

We're eagerly anticipating this weekend's action.  Only an idiot would even consider games that have no real importance, so we're going to be digging in one 4 or 5:

Dallas at Philly

NYG at Minnesota

NE at Buffalo

Miami at NYJ

and the grandaddy--

Denver at San Diego for all the pizza in the oven.

But today, our attention goes elsewhere, and elsewhere is a College Bowl Game.

Central Michigan -4.5 vs. Florida Atlantic

Over/Under 69

Fort Lauderdale, FL.

First off, whenever the number is 69, we like the over. So that's settled.

Central Michigan brings more to the table, even though this is Florida Atlantic's first bowl game.  CMU is 8-4 and FAU barely managed an even season.  Both teams score a tons and we expect a shoot-out.  CMU wants to win this one so they can attempt to crack the top 25.  Expect a lot of points.

Minnesota Timberwolves @ NY Knicks -4.5

Over/Under 215

OK, are we missing something?  The Timberwolves have been involved in 1 of their last 10 games where they went over 215 points.  We think there was a shitload of weed smoked on Christmas Day by both idle teams while playing X-Box.  We want a logy slow misfiring game.  Actually, we're demanding it.

Play the under

Happy Hunting,

and,

GO STUFF

The TOP

Tempers are running high!

What a week in the NFL!  A fistfight between Brady Quinn and a teammate, a very angry (ok maybe just embarassed Lions coach), and to top matters off, a Jets defensive lineman and fan snowball fight!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzYBHl5zVsY

That's the most emotion the Jets managed all game in their 10-3 disappointing loss to the Seattle Seahawks....

Out in Detroit, Coach Marinelli, whose daughter is married to his defensive coordinator, was asked by a reporter if he wished his daughter had done better!  Ouch!  It does make you wonder--why hire a relative that you most certainly have to fire?  

That's one Christmas dinner the Top would like to avoid.

And our old pal, Brady Quinn, gets a beatdown in the weight room from a defensive end. Another shocker--why fight someone BIGGER than you?

Crazy all the way around. 

It was an impossible weekend.  The Patriots put an utter beating on the Cardinals in a complete snowstorm defying all theories of over/under betting.  (See Cincinnati and NY Jets, however). The Broncos manage to piss it away and put themselves in an away must win situation.  New Orleans takes a knee with 2 minutes to go and screws the over.  The Giants game is a shootout, and Atlanta goes on the road and beats one of the hottest team in the NFC, the Vikings.

Good Lord!  Put that parlay ticket down!

This does, of course, set up an awesome week with at least four DO or DIE games--

Cowboys at Eagles

Broncos at Chargers

New England at Buffalo

Miami at NY

You couldn't ask for much better!

There isn't a lot happening today, unless you want to sneak up on another unpredictable segment of the sports world--College Bowl Games.....

The Pointsettia Bowl

TCU Horned Frogs at Boise State 

TCU-3

Over/Under 46

San Diego, California, 8pm

Sounds obvious, right?  Undefeated Boise State against TC who?  Look again--TCU has lost 2 games all year--Utah by 3 points and a 35-10 loss at Oklahoma. They have a strength of schedule that ranks 20 notches higher than Boise.  They have the number 2 defense in D-1 and the best against the run!

Clearly with the line set as is, the world is expecting a close physical game.   And Boise State can be controlled (relatively). The question for us is:  will Boise State be able to stop TCU?  We think not.

We like the over.  And we like TCU.

Boring stuff we know, but you gotta be in it to win it!

Happy Hunting--

Go Stuff!

The Top