Some days you get the pretty lady, some days you get the beast.

"Some games are just like that. Not every game are you going to come out and sling the ball around. We shot ourselves in the foot a few times.”

“I think it will be a challenge for us because people are going to start gunning for us now. We've just got to be ready each week to make everybody believe in us.”

Plaxico Burress, the Giants' would-be star wide-receiver and heir apparent to Terrell Owens, was listed in stable condition today after a nightclub incident that saw him "accidentally" shoot himself in attempt to provide much needed therapy to his strained hamstring.

Quite clearly, as Plaxico points out in the above quotations, this was bound to happen sooner or later.  He just didn't know it would be self-inflicted--supposedly while he was handing the gun over to security (Plaxico should know something about "safeties!").

When police later showed up at Plaxico's home for questioning, his wife "Tiffany" refused to let them in, saying, "You can't come in, you can't talk to my husband."  We guess there are boundaries at the Burress household over and above the temporary restraining orders that have been issued in the past.

We'll get over the fact that an NFL star was out with two teammates at 1:45am on a Friday before game day.  It happens all the time. But, here's a thought: leave the gun at home!

Speaking of guns, what was up with the shootouts yesterday! Oregon/Oregon St., Oklahoma/Oklahoma St--absolutely crazy!  We fared OK, correctly called the Alabama and USC games, but we were totally off on the Oregon St. game, so an even split for the day.

Next weeks Florida/Alabama game looks to be epic......not......Florida, (in an unprecedented early tip) will win.

But that's for next week. We have more NFL to worry about today, so we'll add in two more games for you to chew on.

Indianapolis -5 at the Browns

Over/under 45

Brady Quinn, one of the Top's favorites, is out for the season and disappointing Derek Anderson steps in against the steam-rolling defenseless Colts. This is an easy one. Anderson is always good for 2-3 touchdowns on either side. The Browns are miserable, the Colts have their backs against the wall.

Take the Colts and take the over.  We smell 35-14.

Chicago -3 at Minnesota

Over/Under 42

A very interesting Sunday night match-up that comes down to two things: Ferotte and Orton--which one shows up.  Both teams have been schizophrenic on their path to 6-5, alternating blow-out victories with classic mistake ridden games.  When they met earlier in the year the score was 38-31 (defense anyone?).

42 points seems awful low for 2 teams who got there in one half last time.

We like the over and we like Minnesota at home.

Finally, today is the day for English premiereship with Chelsea and Man U booting up against their cross-town rivals.  Fox soccer is televising the Chelsea/Arsenal match, so you can have yourself an entire day of sports.  

Grab a Glock and a cold beer and tuck yourself in.

Happy Hunting!

Go Stuff!

Walking the Dog.....

It's so hard being Stefan Marbury.  He's the sixth highest paid player in the NBA(tied with Allan I). 

For a mere $19 million a year, he's played a total of 24 games over the last 2 years, which equates to roughly $1.6 million a game, or about $113,000 per point scored.  Even for a Knick team that can use every point they can get, that's an awful lot to pay. Even A-Rod looks good by comparison.

Stefan is now in full dispute with the Knicks and new coach, Mike D'Antoni---who refuses to play the angry scowling child (can you blame him?).  Marbury went on a rant with the press yesterday that ended with him saying, "I wouldn't trust him(Mike D'Antoni) to walk my dog across the street."

Evidently, Stefan doesn't have enough time to walk his own dog, which we find puzzling given that he has only played a total of 12 hours of professional basketball in the last two years!

What is even more intriguing is that Marbury evidently has a thing about dogs. He caused some controversy during the Michael Vick incident by defending  Vick and saying, "We don't say anything about people shooting deers and shooting other animals. You know what I mean?  From what I hear, dog-fighting is a sport."

So that explains what Marbury has been doing these past two years, he's been in a sport where he fights dogs.  Dogs, that Mike D'Antoni is not allowed to walk to the ring.  And we're just not clear.  Does Stefan want to walk the dog or fight it! 

And note to Stefan: you don't actually need the "S" on deers.  Further note to Stefan: the deers aren't actually raised by humans then trained to fight each other for money.  That's called "deer fighting" or "Stag vs. Doe" or "The Buck Stops Here." It's quite popular in Eastern Finland where they also love to discuss how you're not worth the 1/10 the money of Allan Iverson.

The Top is spinning smoothly right now.  We're 6 of our last 7, which brings us over the magic number of .500. We nailed the Boise State game--they ran up the score while waving a finger at the BCS and beat Fresno St. 61-10.  

Today is the beginning of a power-packed weekend, so we'll preview the first couple NFL games, then weigh in on English Premiereship which features two classic match-ups, Chelsea/Arsenal and Man City/Man U (home teams listed first, as is custom).

This should be an active weekend for all of you--the market is up, your wallet is fatter and the demands of Christmas are bearing down on you.

Let's start with last week's darlings:

NY Jets -6.5 at home against Denver

Over/Under 47

Denver, after being one the of year's sure fire bets (Denver over hit first 4 games) are now entrenched in a sea of problems and they all began with the letter "D"--defense, desire, "don't have no running backs."  For a team who is in the worst division of all, who ranks 2nd in the NFL in overall offense, and who arguably has one of the best home field advantages, to be 6-5 shows you how just how much they suck.

The Jets, meanwhile, aren't as good as everyone thinks.  They're middle of the pack in offense, and while they can contain the run, (shouldn't be a problem with Denver!), they do rank 27th in pass defense.

We don't want to say "SCORING" too loudly, but this one will be high-flying. Smells like a 35-21 kind of affair--the Jets could be on a let-down weekend and even have to catch up in some point in this game.

Play the over, and we like the Jets to cover

New England -1 at home against Pittsburgh

Over/Under 39.5

NE has been a tricky team to back this year.  They are almost 50/50 on overs and spreads. They played four straight games to the under, then Matt Cassell hit his stride and they have easily covered the over the last two weeks.

Pittsburgh is the same way, though actually struggles against the spread (thanks in part to dubious officiating).

Who needs this game more?  Quite clearly, New England, who is fighting for a wild card spot. They still have a top ten offense, even without Tom Brady or a real running back. And their defense isn't bad either, especially in points allowed (8th).  Pair that with Pittsburgh's number 1 ranked defense and we think you have a slugfest.

Play the under, and skip the spread--this is anyone's game.

You couldn't ask for a more storied match-up in Chelsea/Arsenal. Arsenal is reeling, having lost two straight and not finding the goal in their last two premiereship matches.  Chelsea is struggling slightly as well, especially at home.

We suggest playing under 2 goals and think this will be a 1-0 game.  You might play the 1-1 draw as a back-up.

On the opposite side of things, one of the great hometown Derbys--Man City/ManU takes place and the fireworks should be shooting.  Man City has been a scoring machine and even one early goal by either team will mean a feverish pace for the remainder of the match.

We love the over 2 goals in this one.  We love it so much, we'd marry it in some parlays.

Should be a great day--with good college football rivalries and classic English football.  We wish we could be in your living room snuggling in a blanket, or at the very least, walking you dog so you can have your full attention turned to Alabama/Auburn.

Enjoy the day, and as Stefan would say, "Happy Deers Hunting."

Go Stuff!

The Top

Thank the Spaniards, not the Pilgrims!

Many of the Top's readers will be surprised to learn that we owe our Thanksgiving tradition not to the Pilgrims, but to that rather undistinguished country--Spain.

As history would have it, the first settlers of the continental US were not Pilgrims, but a band of French Huguenots who built a 16th century settlement in what is today, St. Augustine Florida. Upon settling, the French held a "Thanksgiving Feast" of traditional french fare. 

And, as you might expect from the French, instead of chilling out in sunny Florida, they began attacking every Spanish galleon that passed their way.  Word got back to Spain, who promptly dispatched warships that wiped the Huguenot settlement off the face of the earth.  Thank god, because as the photo shows, we may well have been a nation of "she-men!"

The Spaniards then built the earliest American city--St. Augustine on the site of the razed village and thus paved the way for Pilgrims and of course, golfers.

So you were moments away from celebrating Thanksgiving with a nice Cote du Boeuf, haricot verts, and a French burgundy.... What a shame!

In the long term, neither country has much to offer in the way of sports achievement.  The French lost the World Cup to Italy and, well,  Spain?  They can best they can offer up is chronic underachiever, Sergio Garcia.

The Top certainly didn't underachieve yesterday, correctly calling 5 of the 6 available bets on the Turdkey bowl.  It would have been six, but for the lop-sided nature of the Cowboys game.

The Titans made mincemeat of the Lions (Shocker!).  And as we expected, the Eagles came rallying back (those of you with Brian Westbrook on your fantasy team are happy campers!) and kept themselves in the playoff hunt.  But we're most interested in the Giant/Cowboy game on the horizon.

Today is a very slow day for major sporting activities.  We notice one televised College Football game--the undefeated Boise St. team at home against Fresno St.  Boise St. is for real having beaten Oregon earlier in the year and for them, this is a statement game at home.

Boise St. is 8-3 against the spread and 4-6 against the over.  Fresno St. has won its last two games by playing solid defense, but even so, they are a high scoring team.

We think the game stays that way--

At 56.5 points, we still like the over, though do check the weather first.

Tomorrow has three outstanding opportunities:

USC-27 at home against Notre Dame

Over/Under 47

Well, there are no snowballs in Southern California, but there is a wildfire and we expect it to continue raging.  USC will absolutely dismantle a ND team that has totally fallen apart.  And how do you have a 27 point spread with a 47 point over/under?

Play USC to cover, skip the over/under

"The Civil War"

Oregon +3 at Oregon St.

Over/Under 60

One very disappointing team (Oregon) visiting a somewhat disrepected Oregon St. team.  Both teams enter at 8-3.  Oregon won this match-up last year 38-31, but we think it will be different this year.  Oregon St. has as good a defense as Oregon has faced this year.  And Corvallis will be as jacked up as Corvallis can be.

This seems like a 30-17 kind of game.

Take OSU (not as a feature)

Take the under

Alabama at home -14 against Auburn

Undefeated Alabama heads home with all eyes tilted to next week's huge game vs. Florida.  One might be tempted to think they will look ahead.  And they might--if it weren't Auburn, just about the biggest rivalry in college football.  

Alabama runs away with this, play them to cover.  Skip the over/under, Bama has been wildly unpredictable in their scoring patterns.

We realize today's Top is a little straightforward.  We're sorry, just a little "tired" from yesterday's activities.  We'll be back in full form tomorrow.

Happy Hunting and,

Go Stuff!

The Top

Gee, Thanks, Dad

We haven't even had the inauguration and already, the presidency is turning out to be traumatic for Barack Obama's daughters.  It was reported on Wednesday that Sasha and Malia will "definitely have chores" at the White House, starting, and we hope, ending with, cleaning up after their new dog (yet to be determined).  

We're not sure that's the most creative solution.  It's not like the White House has a small suburban lawn where dog turds stand out like newly blooming crocuses (albeit, steaming ones). We all had childhoold chores, but search the White House lawn for nuggets?  Location alone could take hours, let alone the walk to and from the trash can!

Our humble advice is to turn the annual Easter Egg Hunt into a White House Lawn clean-up. Think of it--there are literally thousands of inner-city kids who have deprived of one of the most treasured suburban events.  It seems like the right thing to do--patriotic, inclusive, environmental.

Or let the Secret Service do it!

The Obama children shouldn't dismay too much.  With great responsibility comes great rewards.  There's active discussion on the political blogs that their new allowance will be pretty massive.  They may for example, be allowed to pick the next Supreme Court Justice or Secretary of Education, something that sifting through turds more than adequately prepares them for.

Speaking of sifting through turds, we hope you enjoy today's NFL lineup.  Definitely the most interesting game is the Arizona/Philadelphia game.  Arizona wins, they clinch the division. Philadelphia needs to win to have any shot of making the playoffs.  Laugh all you want.  This is the weekend last year when the Giants lost to the Vikings, then started their epic run to the Superbowl.

SuperBowl odds are always interesting this time of year.  Here's our best values for the money:

Indianapolis, 9 to 1

Dallas, 10 to 1

Atlanta and New Orleans, both 40 to 1

Even Baltimore and Carolina (though they have no chance) go off at 25 and 20 to one respectively.  

Crazy you say?  The Giants were 33 to 1 at exactly this time last year.

Enjoy your Turkey.

Happy Hunting and 

Go Stuff!

The Top

Let's Give Thanks!

We humbly propose putting the "Thanks" back in Thanksgiving, and giving a big shout out to all of our favorite newsmakers.  Their inexplicable behavior makes life livable in these terrible times and we can only hope the stress of modern living continues indefinitely--it makes for such good watching.

So let's start with our least favorite sports figure, the third baseman for the NY Yankees, Mr. Alex Rodriguez.  Oh, the choices one makes in life.  

Like dumping your unbelievably hot wife for a slightly used 50 year old would-be dominatrix, whose recent photos are well, just not great.  It must be for the money.  

Perhaps Madonna's Kabbalahistic influence (is religious conversion for sex and/or money the theme of the last six month or what!), can bring out the best in A-Rod ($5 says she's got another nickname for him). But what if the opposite happens--what if she sucks the best out of him and leaves moping and lovesick at third base. Oh wait, it can't get much worse, can it!

One also wonders what the conversation between Derek Jeter and A-Rod is like these days.  No longer:

Derek:  Your wife is so hot, I would so hit that.  She have any friends?

A-Rod: Yeah, I know.  Let me ask her.

Nowadays it's:

Derek: Stay away from me with your psycho girlfriend and quit talking about that Kabbalah shit. And how about a clutch hit once in awhile?

A-Rod: You just don't understand.  It's not about that for me anymore.

Let's pause momentarily and try to get at the reason behind all this. Throughout her history, Madonna has always found boyfriends who bring something to the table--for her best interest.

"I want to get in the movies." (See Sean Penn and Warren Beatty)

"I want to be a popstar." (Endless count of musicians and record producers)

"I want to be black because Hip Hop is in." (See Dennis Rodman)

"I want to be "international." (See Guy Ritchie)

So, she must be finally settling down for a quiet life of mediocrity. Watch out Barry Zito or Sarah Palin--you might be next.

There was nothing mediocre about the Top's bold selection last night. The 30 point lead at half-time was probably a sign that the Cavs would cover 5.5.  LeBron even sat out the 4th quarter. How embarrassing.

We're on a mini-roll, i.e. one day.  So let's use that momentum to get ready for tomorrow's big line-up, affectionately nick-named, "The Turdkey Bowl."

Tennesee -10.5 at Detroit

Over/Under 44.5

Detroit showed a glimmer of hope last week, racing out to a 17 point lead only to watch it evaporate into their usual display of horrible defense and ineffectual play-calling.  Everything is wrong in the city of Detroit right now (except the Red Wings).  Good, let's hope it stays that way---the city has nothing to offer outside out of proximity to the casinos of Windsor and decent Greek food.

With Indianapolis breathing slightly down their necks, the Titans come racing back.

Take Tennessee minus the points.  And play the over--it's a pretty safe bet with the Lions.

Seattle-13 at Dallas

Over/Under 46.5

Here come the Cowboys, just in time to scare every Giant fan out there.  Last week's explosive performance by TO has to be a warning shot across the bow.  The Seahawks absolutely suck. The Cowboys build on last week.  This game is NASCAR.

Cowboys minus the points and the over.

Arizona +3 at Philadelphia

Over/Under 46.5

Philadelphia's season hangs in the balance.  If they can't win this one, it's packing time. Donovan heads back in after two mediocre performances against an accomodating Cardinal defense.  We're not sure who will win, but we like the Eagles to circle the wagons.  And this will be a high-scoring affair if there ever was one!

Eagles--money line and the over

Tomorrow's post is likely to be late and a little briefer than usual.  So enjoy your turkey and as usual:

Happy Hunting and 

Go Stuff!

The Top

"And Throw Away the Key!"

From Citigroup to Michael Jackson to today's topic---Sex on the Beach, the Top covers all the news critical to success in today's complicated world.

Certainly, by now,  you have read about the British citizens who were jailed for allegedly having sex on a Dubai beach after an afternoon of full-on boozing(unless of course, you don't know about the invention called "the internet.")  

But you may have missed the full details of the story, for example, JUST HOW ATTRACTIVE these two people are!

Or the fact that hot Michelle Palmer, while half-clothed, called the police a "F****NG Muslim" and attempted to hit him with her high heel shoes (Ew! Double Ew!, and Hurl on Deck---her in high heels!)

Well, British "couple" Michelle Palmer and Vince Acors (if that isn't a porn star set of names, what is?) escaped a jail-term yesterday, after United Arab Emirates courts failed to produce evidence that the act was fully consummated.  Just the thought of someone testing them for that makes us ill!

And apparently, we're not alone in our view. In the words of one of the alleged perpetrators,  "Oh, the fear I feel each time I close my eyes fills my heart with dread."  

Hell yes, dear---the fear you might wake up and find Mooby on top of you!  

But wait, there's more!!!  Apparently almost immediately after their arrest the two got married in a hastily arranged civil ceremony.  Warning gentleman, this is how it happens:  you go to a bar, you're minding your own business.  Sure, you have a few cocktails, the champagne goggles get locked in place, and next thing you know, you're naked in jail and married to a real looker.

Don't let this happen to you, and if it does, instead of getting married, convert to Islam.  We hear it works wonders on legal proceedings. Oh, and incidentally, for those of you in College publishing (and you know who you are), be extra careful--this woman was a Middle Eastern sales manager for ITP.  They are out there lurking around every corner.......

Last night, the Top was one for two--the over was "over" in the first half as Drew Brees put on an aerial performance almost never seen on Monday Night Football. We watched the whole game, not because it was close, but watching Aaron Rodgers fall apart in the second half was like watching Jack Kerouac trying to write after his second bottle of Scotch.  Oh, which reminds us:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZmDWltBziM

It is a slow, slow, night tonight, but certain readers of The Top are attending the Knicks and Cavaliers game tonight, so in an unprecedented move, we'll make a bold NBA prediction: 

Take Cleveland and give 7!

LeBron will be on the free agent market soon and NY is one place he'd like to play.  He will put on a show against a NY team that will again be short-handed due to issues with their recent trade.

Tomorrow, we'll give you a full preview of perhaps the most lethal Turkey Day lineup ever (Tennessee/Detroit!).  Until then--

Happy Hunting and

Go Stuff!

The Top

Who needs Sports when you have Citigroup?

The US government announced a 20 billion dollar cash injection into Citigroup early today in an effort to shore up the bank's crumbling financial situation. It also guaranteed over 300 billion dollar in Citigroup assets. To put that in perspective, an estimated 7 billion was wagered on last year's Superbowl.

But more fascinating is watching the ebb and fall of Citigroup's share price. A year ago it was hovering around 35, safe and sound, and paying a dividend of about 4%. On Friday, at one point, you could have about it for $3!!!!. We suspect today it will close near $5--the magical number that allows a large group of mutual fund managers to invest in it. Sure, there's an economic downturn--but someone is making a lot of money!

Far more entertaining than watching the Browns/Texans. Maybe, they should issue uniforms for Citigroup employees and televise their machinations as the share price rises and falls--

"Sandy Weill is pacing the sidelines. He can't believe it's come down to this--his entire career defined in less than 2 minute. But it just also might redefine the quality of living for millions of Americans over the next decade."

Pandit lines up slot left. Paulson takes the snap, fakes structural issues--he's looking downfield. He wants all back in one play. He's got a chance, the safety, Joe Q. Public, is confused--there's a mix-up in the coverage. Pandit is WIDE OPEN. Pandit to the 10 to the 5. TOUCHDOWN!

And look at Pandit celebrate, there certainly has to be a flag for this!

It's another stunning, come-from-behind victory for Citigroup."

Yes. This is the same Citigroup who almost went bankrupt in the 60's and 80's (when it was bailed out by a Arab prince (not the same one suing Mikaeel Jackson (see sidebar)).

We've seen this movie a hundred times. We'll see it again--no one went ever went broke by underestimating the greed of the American banker. Oh. Wait!

The power of the Top has now been established. We may suck ass at picking NFL outcomes, but can we ever call imminent complete and utter failure. We're referring, of course, to Donovan McNabb and Brady Quinn--both recent features here and both benched Sunday after absolutely miserable performances. What a horrible game the Texans/Browns game was--3 interceptions in less than 3 minutes!

The Top was well off on its feature games. Houston and Cleveland put on a Division III game featuring field goals. And Dallas had its breakout game, as did Atlanta and Michael Turner. And the Colts game was more defensive than predicted.

But, we were crazy accurate on our round-up picks--Jets, Colts, Patriots, Giants over. We missed the Chiefs (advice: bet against the Lions, Chiefs and Browns every remaining game except the last week!).

Tonight, we're left with the Packers and Saints (we liked the Packers earlier). This is a tough game to call, the Saints return to New Orleans for their first home game in six weeks. But the Packers have their back against the wall because of the Bears and Vikings victories yesterday.

This one rests on Ryan Grant vs. the Saints offensive line. Grant has been improving lately and when he runs, Rodgers can feast on play action. Despite Green Bay's desire to establish the running game, we think this will be a high scoring affair. And we think they'll cover.

Green Bay +2.5 and Over 50.5

As usual, Happy Hunting and....

Go Stuff!!

The Top

The Happiest Man in America

Oback Barama's historic nomination of Timothy Geithner at precisely 3 o'clock on an options-expiring Friday afternoon sent the stock market into a massive rally, and cheered American pocketbooks everywhere.  (We'll see how the selection of a NY Finance industry insider works of the longer term (see Henry Paulson)).

But even more surprising--and historic (i.e. back-to-back women)--was the choice of Hillary Clinton as Secretary State.  Lucky Hillary.  She enters at a time when America's international esteem has never been higher. Whether it's France, the Middle East, Asia or Russia, she'll be welcomed with open arms thanks to all the groundwork of the Bush administration and Condolezza Rice.

The real news here, however, is tremendous stroke of luck of one William Jefferson Blythe III, who gets to experience what every man in America has only dreamed about: 

"The DO-OVER"

Think for a minute.  How many times have you said in conversation, "If only I could go back to College with what I knew now.........I'd be like a God walking the Earth!"

Well, lucky Bill is licking his chops already.  And it's a good thing, because he was getting supremely, supremely, bored:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpEckWHSvXk

But all that's about to change:

1) Virtually endless supply of free cocktails and high end meals.

2) Increased proximity to "the command center/romantic hideaway" known as the Oval Office

3) Access to literally hundreds of aspiring young political aides who are certain to be star-struck by the twin power of Hillary and Bill.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when the Clintons were arguing about whether or not to accept the nomination:

H: You know Bill, those White House years weren't the happiest moments in our marriage.

B: I know, I know, but we've been over that.  I'm a changed man. Please, pretty please, let me go me back to Washington.

H: Will you'll promise me no scandals while I'm in office?

B: I will do everything in my power not to repeat the same mistakes I made then.

(i.e., if I could go only back and have a DO-OVER).

Stay tuned.  It's only a matter of time before the book-makers start laying odds on a White House scandal (seriously) and there will be names attached.

Finally, there is justice in the world.  One of the most over-the-top and ridiculous sports figure of the modern era, tennis star, Jimmy Connors, was arrested last night as he attended a college basketball game (UNC/UC-Santa Barbara "the Gauchos").  At first blush, this looks like an impossible accomplishment--they don't even serve lagers at college games.  But perhaps you need a little refresher course in some of Mr. Connors' previous behavior:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Myg66OWBuNI

A classic case of someone who just couldn't leave it on the court.....We'll wait and see what is given as "the reason."  But you can be arrested for being a dickhead.

It was almost a perfect day for the Top yesterday.  We'll leave aside the soccer (because we know most of you do).  As predicted, Ohio State ran right through Michigan, easily covering the 20.5 points.

Stanford should have covered against Cal.  They had three chances to score (including a second and 1 on the 1 yard line) in the first half, but could only manage 3 points. An early second half interception was a huge momentum swing and they were done.

And as we said, the Oklahoma game was a track meet, and even though 76 seemed like a lot, somehow, a 65-21 score puts that to rest.

Today, we have perhaps the best NFL line-up of the year. We're half-tempted to predict every game, but we'll focus on the ones we like:

Houston/Cleveland, Over/Under 50.5

What a ratty, meaningless game.  Which is exactly our point. Houston is 9-1 against the over and I doubt this will be any different.  Quinn has three games under his belt and the horse race will continue under favorable conditions in Cleveland.

Play the over

Atlanta/Carolina, Over/Under 42.5

Carolina is coming off a come from behind victory over Detroit and visits an Atlanta team inclined to run.  This is a huge game from a divisional standpoint and I think they will play it close the vest.  Carolina is 7-3 on the under.  Seems like a 20-17 type of game.

Play the under

Dallas/SF, Dallas at home giving 9.5, Over/under is 46.

This is a tricky one.  Dallas has not beaten anyone by more than 9 all year.  Was last Sunday's road win at Washington the catalyst.  Is this their breakout game?

SF also managed a win (albeit against St. Louis). This isn't my favorite game, but I think you will see ample, ample doses of Frank Gore and Marion Barber and I think the Niners will keep it reasonably close.  

SF +9.5, and the under

Indianapolis +2.5 at San Diego, O/U 49

I don't want to say "back up the truck", but the over in this game seems highly probable.  Peyton is in mid-season groove.  Neither team can stop anyone and both teams can score.  And it's in San Diego!

Play the over

Finally, if you are so inclined, there are a number of road and away underdogs (and intriguing over/unders) that could pay handsomely on a mulitple bet, parlay ticket:

KC + 3 (teams going in different directions, KC at home)

NE (I just don't believe in Miami)

NYJ +5.5 (the only unaminous upset pick among the press gurus, but why not take the points!) 

Indy +2.5 (any time I can get Indy as an underdog, I'm taking them)

Green Bay +2.5 (and the over at 51.5)

NYG/AZ over 48

So, get all your work done now, send the kids or the girlfriend or the wife to the movies and nestle in for the long haul.  It's what Bill would do.  

Good Luck and Happy Hunting--

Go Stuff

The Top

Say Hello to Mickaeel Jackson

The transformation is complete.  

Michael Jackson announced yesterday that he was converting to Islam and officially changing his name to the rather NBAish "Mikaeel."  Fairly revolutionary selection.

Michael thought long and hard about his conversion and then realized his was being sued by the crown prince of Bahrain, Sheik Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa for 7 million dollars.  A change of faith seems logical.

Or does it? We humbly suggest he reread the canons of Islamic law one more time before it's all finalized.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharia#Penalties

Apparently he's decided to add sado-masochism to his already long list of shall we say, "Peccadillos."

Michael Jackson isn't the only one making it easy for us today. Our dear friend, Sarah Palin is back with her own form of a Turkey Day football preview, and it's shaping up to be quite a slaughter.

Sarah, in her role as governor, decided to proceed with the annual pardoning of a turkey--unfortunately for her...well...

I think the video speaks for itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-kjM1asH-8

She does have a point, really--you can pardon one turkey, but all over America the cruelty continues.  But somehow, we don't think she's capable of intentional irony. For example:

Sarah Palin: leading proponent of abstinence as a form of birth control for teenagers. 

Sarah Palin: mother of a unwed pregnant teenage daughter.

Sarah Palin: plain-speaking, homespun Hockey Mom.

Sarah Palin: $150,000 shopping bender at Saks and Neiman Marcus

You can have one pregnant teenage daughter, dress her in nice clothes, but all over America, there are literally hundreds, if not thousands of poorly dressed, desperately unpregnant teenagers. 

The exception does not destroy the rule.

There is a lot on the docket today--it's college football rivalry weekend and we're going to look at three games:

The Grandaddy--

Ohio State -20.5 at home against Michigan

O/U 44

Michigan has been a disappointment this year and they head to Columbus without a win in this game for the last nine years.  They'll be making that ten today.  They will get dismantled.  They have absolutely no chance against an OSU team that is peaking right now and licking their chops of the outcome of tonight's Oklahoma game.

Ohio State is 9-2 against the spread.  They have a top 15 defense, equally balanced against the pass and the run.

This one won't be close:

Take Ohio State and give the points.

The Big Game--

California -8.5 vs. Stanford

O/U 50.5

You can throw the rule book out on this one.  

California entered the year as a top 25 team and it's been downhill ever since.  They stand at 6-4 vs. a surprisingly competitive Stanford team who has an outside shot at a bowl game with a victory here.

Stanford has an exceptionally strong running game--ranked 20th in the nation.  Look for them to fall back on it.  Unfortunately, they have almost zero defense.

Tough game to call, but we like the Cardinal to cover.  And the over looks interesting(Stanford is 7-3 on the over), but is not a feature.

The One that Matters--

Oklahoma -7

O/U 76

The nation's number 2 and 3 offenses meet in Norman for a game with huge implications.  Both teams have been virtually unstoppable all year.  They have average defenses, but incredible offensive weapons.  They are a combined 13-4 against the over and there is certainly nothing, including the weather, getting in their way again.

76 is awful lot of points, but neither team has scored less than 35 all year--in any game!

Skip the spread--who knows!  

Play the over.  This is a 42-40 kind of game.

Finally, there is one English Premiereship matchup of interest--

Aston Villa at home vs. Man United

This is the same Villa side that went to Emirates stadium and easily handled the reeling Arsenal side a stunning 2-0 defeat.  Man U, as you recall, had a 5-0 laugher last week against the out-gunned Stoke City.  This one will be tougher, but at 4/5 odds, they seem like the value:

Man U to win

Tomorrow will be a big long post with all your favorite NFL games.

Until then, 

Go Stuff!

The Top

"I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and this is going to be a bad nightmare"

It seems everyone is weighing in on the state of the world economy--even former professional golfer, J.P. Hayes.

Oh wait, he's talking about his own idiotic situation, not the stock market.......

Well, we were going to let this one go, and write it off to a dominating father figure, errant misplaced religious faith, or better yet, a Wisconsin upbringing, but Hayes won't let up, really just won't let up, and has basically forced us into a corner. Fortunately, unlike Randy Couture against Mr. Lesnar, we have options. (fast forward to the end if you want the blood!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Rq0ic87gqg

For those of you who don't follow the careers of middle of the pack professional golfers, J.P. Hayes recused himself this weekend from the Pro Tour in 2009 because he discovered during a qualifying round that he was playing with an illegal prototype ball from Titlelist.

But what makes this story especially unbelievable is the total agreement among journalists and local golf officials that he could have simply have taken a couple penalty strokes and/or possibly been disqualified from the tournament--AND GONE HOME FREE AND CLEAR. But he felt so bad, so "not on top of his situation", that he rang the regional PGA official, turned himself in, and was suspended from the tour for a year.

Now, we're obviously not opposed to honesty, but really--there's a limit to everything.

Notice the above 3 month chart of the S & P 500 (that's the most accurate representation of the US stock market for those of you with no money left who don't care about anything but employment.) Now think about any moment of "honesty" that you might associate with that.

Can you hear John Daly talking to his friends at Grandpa Hog's BBQ and Brew, "Kin you believe what that feller did? He coulda at least flown in a private jet to testify to the gol darn PeeGeeAY--hey, dammit, you gunna finish that beer--you're letting it get warm!" (Daly, as we speak, is only four strokes off the lead in Hong Kong--he's feeding off your misery JP!)

Jp Hayes: You were pretty good. Your lifetime earnings are over $7,000,000 (that's 4.9 million adjusted for recent market conditions). You are walking away from A LOT!

And that's not a conversation I want to have at home!:

Her: How was your day at work?

Me: Not so great, I kind of got fired.

Her: Fired, why, what, what the hell? Are we all right, IS OUR FAMILY ALL RIGHT?

Me: I dunno, you know I'd do the right thing babe.

Her: "How did this happen?"

Me: Well, I sort of fired myself. I found that I had accidentally taken a couple of pens home in my bag and it just didn't feel right not to say something and when I did, they fired me.

Her: You "sort of" fired yourself? What level of moron are you? Oh wait, you answered that one. And where are those pens now, Mr. Lincoln?--cause I know where they're going to be--permanently!

You feel that bad about it JP? Donate some winnings to charity or better yet, to one of us. Or fire your caddy! Or how about, just not saying anything! Bur should you insist on talking---at least learn from the KING!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiIP_KDQmXs

Truth be told though-- we do appreciate one thing in all of this--we can't wait to be among the first people to turn to one of our friends after they fess up on some utterly innocuous offense, and say, "Dude, you totally just "Hayesed" yourself."

As predicted, Pittsburgh used their stellar defense to cover the 10.5 points at home, though a lack of snow and a late touchdown neutralized the under. But at the rate we were going, we'll take 1 for 2.

Tonight, it's very slim pickings with no college football, and a lack of decent NBA matchups. We might post some Ice Hockey suggestions later when our West Coast Hockey correspondents get out of bed. If not, we will be back in full force tomorrow with a preview of not one, but three major College Football games, as well as our weekly English premiereship matchups.

Until then--enjoy your miserable, but HONEST lives.

The Top.