From Citigroup to Michael Jackson to today's topic---Sex on the Beach, the Top covers all the news critical to success in today's complicated world.
Certainly, by now, you have read about the British citizens who were jailed for allegedly having sex on a Dubai beach after an afternoon of full-on boozing(unless of course, you don't know about the invention called "the internet.")
But you may have missed the full details of the story, for example, JUST HOW ATTRACTIVE these two people are!
Or the fact that hot Michelle Palmer, while half-clothed, called the police a "F****NG Muslim" and attempted to hit him with her high heel shoes (Ew! Double Ew!, and Hurl on Deck---her in high heels!)
Well, British "couple" Michelle Palmer and Vince Acors (if that isn't a porn star set of names, what is?) escaped a jail-term yesterday, after United Arab Emirates courts failed to produce evidence that the act was fully consummated. Just the thought of someone testing them for that makes us ill!
And apparently, we're not alone in our view. In the words of one of the alleged perpetrators, "Oh, the fear I feel each time I close my eyes fills my heart with dread."
Hell yes, dear---the fear you might wake up and find Mooby on top of you!
But wait, there's more!!! Apparently almost immediately after their arrest the two got married in a hastily arranged civil ceremony. Warning gentleman, this is how it happens: you go to a bar, you're minding your own business. Sure, you have a few cocktails, the champagne goggles get locked in place, and next thing you know, you're naked in jail and married to a real looker.
Don't let this happen to you, and if it does, instead of getting married, convert to Islam. We hear it works wonders on legal proceedings. Oh, and incidentally, for those of you in College publishing (and you know who you are), be extra careful--this woman was a Middle Eastern sales manager for ITP. They are out there lurking around every corner.......
Last night, the Top was one for two--the over was "over" in the first half as Drew Brees put on an aerial performance almost never seen on Monday Night Football. We watched the whole game, not because it was close, but watching Aaron Rodgers fall apart in the second half was like watching Jack Kerouac trying to write after his second bottle of Scotch. Oh, which reminds us:
It is a slow, slow, night tonight, but certain readers of The Top are attending the Knicks and Cavaliers game tonight, so in an unprecedented move, we'll make a bold NBA prediction:
Take Cleveland and give 7!
LeBron will be on the free agent market soon and NY is one place he'd like to play. He will put on a show against a NY team that will again be short-handed due to issues with their recent trade.
Tomorrow, we'll give you a full preview of perhaps the most lethal Turkey Day lineup ever (Tennessee/Detroit!). Until then--
Happy Hunting and
Go Stuff!
The Top
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