It seems everyone is weighing in on the state of the world economy--even former professional golfer, J.P. Hayes. Oh wait, he's talking about his own idiotic situation, not the stock market.......
Well, we were going to let this one go, and write it off to a dominating father figure, errant misplaced religious faith, or better yet, a Wisconsin upbringing, but Hayes won't let up, really just won't let up, and has basically forced us into a corner. Fortunately, unlike Randy Couture against Mr. Lesnar, we have options. (fast forward to the end if you want the blood!)
For those of you who don't follow the careers of middle of the pack professional golfers, J.P. Hayes recused himself this weekend from the Pro Tour in 2009 because he discovered during a qualifying round that he was playing with an illegal prototype ball from Titlelist.
But what makes this story especially unbelievable is the total agreement among journalists and local golf officials that he could have simply have taken a couple penalty strokes and/or possibly been disqualified from the tournament--AND GONE HOME FREE AND CLEAR. But he felt so bad, so "not on top of his situation", that he rang the regional PGA official, turned himself in, and was suspended from the tour for a year.
Now, we're obviously not opposed to honesty, but really--there's a limit to everything.
Notice the above 3 month chart of the S & P 500 (that's the most accurate representation of the US stock market for those of you with no money left who don't care about anything but employment.) Now think about any moment of "honesty" that you might associate with that.
Can you hear John Daly talking to his friends at Grandpa Hog's BBQ and Brew, "Kin you believe what that feller did? He coulda at least flown in a private jet to testify to the gol darn PeeGeeAY--hey, dammit, you gunna finish that beer--you're letting it get warm!" (Daly, as we speak, is only four strokes off the lead in Hong Kong--he's feeding off your misery JP!)
Jp Hayes: You were pretty good. Your lifetime earnings are over $7,000,000 (that's 4.9 million adjusted for recent market conditions). You are walking away from A LOT!
And that's not a conversation I want to have at home!:
Her: How was your day at work?
Me: Not so great, I kind of got fired.
Her: Fired, why, what, what the hell? Are we all right, IS OUR FAMILY ALL RIGHT?
Me: I dunno, you know I'd do the right thing babe.
Her: "How did this happen?"
Me: Well, I sort of fired myself. I found that I had accidentally taken a couple of pens home in my bag and it just didn't feel right not to say something and when I did, they fired me.
Her: You "sort of" fired yourself? What level of moron are you? Oh wait, you answered that one. And where are those pens now, Mr. Lincoln?--cause I know where they're going to be--permanently!
You feel that bad about it JP? Donate some winnings to charity or better yet, to one of us. Or fire your caddy! Or how about, just not saying anything! Bur should you insist on talking---at least learn from the KING!
Truth be told though-- we do appreciate one thing in all of this--we can't wait to be among the first people to turn to one of our friends after they fess up on some utterly innocuous offense, and say, "Dude, you totally just "Hayesed" yourself."
As predicted, Pittsburgh used their stellar defense to cover the 10.5 points at home, though a lack of snow and a late touchdown neutralized the under. But at the rate we were going, we'll take 1 for 2.
Tonight, it's very slim pickings with no college football, and a lack of decent NBA matchups. We might post some Ice Hockey suggestions later when our West Coast Hockey correspondents get out of bed. If not, we will be back in full force tomorrow with a preview of not one, but three major College Football games, as well as our weekly English premiereship matchups.
Until then--enjoy your miserable, but HONEST lives.
The Top.
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