Let's make Sunday a Fun Day!

Before we get into to today's picks, let's take a second to reflect on popular culture.

USC's victory last night over Stanford, while tugging only slightly at my emotional heart strings, was a missed opportunity for all of you.  The OVER at 48.5 was an obvious money maker.  Upset rematches at the home stadium of the poorer team (and one that can score!) are always a good situation.

I was almost in tears after watching Stanford march down the field on the opening drive, because I knew we were heading for a game in the 40s.   It made me want to turn off the TV, snuggle up under a comforter, brew a cup of tea and watch something touching, say like: "What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas" with Ashton Kutcher and Drew Barrymore.  

Speaking of hideous movie genres (see Florida vs. South Carolina, 11/16/08), what is it with the Romantic Comedy?  Why in God's name hasn't someone put the death stake through this life-sucking spiritual vampire yet? 

The Romantic Comedy was one of the earliest of genres of the talking motion picture era, and as such, has a storied past featuring such legends as Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy.  The witty banter, the slapstick, the "there's no way they'll fall in love plots"--all of these were great reasons for some poor fool to skip a Gene Tunney fight  or Army/Navy game and head to the cinema--the sacrifice of which would theoretically yield relationship dividends the size of Mt. Everest.  

The Top, however, is about facts and the fact is that Romantic Comedies as a commercial opportunity are LAME.  The highest grossing Romantic Comedy of all-time, can you guess it?, is My Big Fat Greek Wedding at 241 million dollars.  That's a not even a value meal fart out of Toby Maguire's scarily adolescent butt. 

fyi...www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mHVoILc1II

But like Brad Johnson attempting a bootleg, the formula has been rechewed and reused so much that even the trailers now make any man quiver in his boots.  Just the mere mention of some of the more successful movies will send you running for beef jerky:

Maid of Honor, Runaway Bride, My Best Friend's Wedding, and dare I say it, (and perhaps dedicated to this year's Seahawk or Mariner fans): "Sleepless in Seattle." 

But, of course, life is a series of trade-offs, and if you're in a relationship, with a woman, then you certainly have sucked it up, planned for a night of conversation, and headed to one of these pieces of shit at some time in your past.  

If only Hollywood were more clever.  Three of the most successful RomComs of all time are:

Knocked Up, Jerry Maguire(just spell-checking this title made me sweat!)--and of course, the grand Mack Daddy of them all, Pretty Women.

Each of these had one thing in common:  a chick could sell them to their man easily!

Tell me you haven't heard this before:

G: "Hey, you want to go see that new Julia Roberts movie tonight?"

B: "Uh, no, not really."

G: "She plays a prostitute in it."

B: "Uh, ok"

or

G: "There's a new Tom Cruise movie out and it's about football."

B: "OK"

or:

G: "I really want to see Knocked Up"

B: "I don't want to see a movie about getting pregnant."

G: "But Seth Rogen plays an unemployed broke fat pothead who ends up sleeping with a hot TV anchor woman."

B: "Uh, OK."

Here's some genre-expanding ideas:

Middle manager and perennial C+ student meets hot Swedish twins at a 7-11 while picking up Doritos for the Thunder/Knicks playoff game.  Twins both have a crush on him and try to win him over.

or:

Guy decides to help his sister and manage her Strip Club's Powder Puff Football team. While difficult building relationships and winning trust at first (as soon many new coaching jobs are (see Jim Hazlett)), he overcomes these obstacles and helps the team win the championship.  At the victory celebration, the team throws a surprise party for him.

I'm just saying, as my friend Jerome likes to say: "This isn't that hard."

The RomCom negotiation that takes place is never simple.  We don't wake up on a Saturday and over breakfast coffee say, "I don't really want to see the Alabama/LSU game, how 'bout after we get back from Art Fair, we go to Bed, Bath and Beyond then catch "50 First Dates?"  It is always a trade--not an equal exchange.  

"I'll go see My Best Friend's Wedding if you'll see Predator vs. Alien."  Not.

Usually, we are hoping for something else: a blank hall-pass or, well, you know, that. 

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUaWCcDlI5s)

Stop.  This is a sort of family blog.  In that my family might see me writing it.  But in that regard, I suppose the RomCom does have a purpose--it's a primitive form of relationship currency sort of like wampum. But imagine a life where we aren't trading Sex in the City for potential sex in the apartment.....

Right, enough said.  Now it's time for more important matters, and hopefully, a greater pile of wampum so you can afford any movies you want.

Arizona Cardinals and the absolutely totally worthless always costing me money, Seattle Seahawks.

Arizona -3

Over/Under 47.5

Location: Seattle, Washington, 58 degrees, light wind.

Now normally, I wouldn't even bother with a horrible game like this, but truth be told, my brother David is attending so it has to be addressed.

Arizona enters the game at 6-3 and as shoe-ins for the NFC West (the next closest team is 2-7!).  They are second in the league in passing, 3rd in overall offense and averaging a robust 29 ppg. They are healthy and without a doubt, possess the best receiver line-up in the NFL with Boldin, Fitzgerald and Breaston.  I think it's safe to say that with an absolutely atrocious running game, they will be airing it out.

Seattle was predicted by many to win this division.  Early injuries and frankly, a horrible coaching job have left one of the would-be kings at 2-7 and Seahawks fans are looking forward to weekends in the San Juan islands, if they aren't there already!. They can't stop anyone (30th in team defense) and they can't win at their usually stalwart Qwest field (pause: take some irony in the financial state of Qwest).  

However, Matt Hasselback and Mr. Branch are back.  And while Arizona can score, they haven't exactly stopped anyone this year, allowing over 20 points per game.

We say skip the spread--Seattle could get it up for this game.

Arizona/Seattle over 47.5

Next we'll stay on the West Coast and continue to focus on games that nobody gives two shits about:

St. Louis at SF

SF-6.5

Over/Under 43 (variable)

Location: San Francisco, 77 degrees, no wind

In another turd bowl (the teams have lost 9 straight between them), San Francisco looks to build off a gritty performance at Arizona on Monday night.  SF should have won this game, and if retard Mike Singletary hadn't tried to run it in twice in a row with the same play from 2 yards out, they probably would have.

SF is a team with more talent than organization.  From Frank Gore to Patrick Willis to Vernon Davis, they have a bunch of studs, but no one rounding up the horses. Certainly, Shaun Hill isn't the buckaroo we're looking for here.  

St. Louis, on the other hand, is battling the Detroit Lions for the "league's shittiest team award."  They are 31st in team offense, and 29th in team defense.  They looked borderline high school last week against the Jets and almost found every possible way to let a team to score defensively on them.

I think the Niners are by the better team.  They blew out the Lions.  They will blow out the Rams

Sf -6.5

OVER

The WobblyTop is all about accountability, so let's just take a quick look at yesterday's predictions:

Of course, our two NFL picks are still live (reminder Dallas and Atlanta overs, Atlanta to cover).  But we were creepily accurate in our English Premiereship:

We said Man U would crush Stoke and recommended the over 2 goals at 4/9.  I think a 5-0 victory takes care of that.

We also advised on a Tottenham/Fulham draw with the over 2 goals as a support.  We missed the draw (truth be said, because of a Tottenham own goal......)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/eng_prem/7711292.stm

But the final score of 2-1 still paid.

So far so good.

Go Stuff!

The Top