Bad Day in Blackrock....

"Bill--any chance I could have my old job back. My family is tired of living in NY. I was kidding about that taping stuff--really."

There are those of who had to go back to work yesterday, and there are those of us who didn't. 

Those of you didn't were joined by elite company yesterday as NFL management went on a Gaza strip airstrike of their own yesterday firing not one, but three head coaches and much of their staff.  It may not have a been a good day to be Palestinian, but being an Italian-American head coach was equally bad.  Here's the Roll of Honor:

Rod Marinelli, (Lions), (and yes, along with his son-in-law), his secondary coach and his assistant O-line coach. No shock here, we heard the Lions had a bad season.

Romeo Crennel, (Cleveland), why someone named Romeo had any business coaching in  the NFL escapes us---but thank god--he is also a trained and accomplished florist.

Eric Mangini, (NY Jets)--gee, don't go after Favre or anything, he was only the owner's idea!

All is not bad news, however.  There's already talk of an exciting new chain of football-themed Pizza restaurants called, Mangini/Marinelli--or "M & M" for short.  We hear their slogan is:

"When the best just isn't possible......"

Soon, we expect Wade Phillips to join as their spokesperson.

The Top was eerily accurate this past weekend--with photos to back it up!  Romo had his usual meltdown, the Patriots dominated and the Dolphins and Chad had their revenge. And the Sunday night game put the over through before the end of the third quarter. We could have run the table if we'd bothered to look at the Buffalo weather report and if the lame-ass Jets could have put 3 more points on the board.

You might think today is a boring, boring pre-New Year's eve lull.  Au Contraire.  We seem attracted to 3 ridiculous opportunities:

Hull City at home vs. Aston Villa, total goals over 2 @8/11

These two sides have managed a total of 26 goals in their last 3 matches. Hull started strong and has been going down-hull ever since.  Villa is contending for a spot in Europe.  We think this one should be a lock, but we aren't thumping the table--it's soccer after all!

The Humanitarian Bowl(why is it called the Humanitarian Bowl?):

Maryland+2/Reno

O/U 58.5

Does high-scoring Reno really think they can play with the ACC?  They sure couldn't play with Missouri when they lost 69-17 to them earlier in the year.  Maryland has played tough defensive ball all year, giving up 30 points only once to surging Florida State and beating teams like Cal, Wake Forest, and NC State.

We love Maryland and the points and we love the Under

The NY Knicks+5 at Charlotte

Over/Under  206.5

Betting on the Knicks? Is the Top on crack?  (possibly).  But the Knicks are the NBA's 4th highest scoring team and they have blown through 210 points 4 of their last 5 games. Charlotte sucks, the Knicks suck.  This will be street ball at its best.

Take the over.

We love this erratic holiday schedule and we'll probably be back tomorrow.  In the meantime, 

Happy Hunting, and,

Go Stuff!

The Top

Now that's the way to handle it.....

Introducing:

James Joseph Cialella

"an inspiration to angry fans everywhere....."

Mr. Cialella (fittingly from Philadelphia) is accused of shooting a person in a movie theater because he was angry that the man in front of him was talking.  Of course, he was probably angry that his girlfriend forced him to go see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button."  (see the Top's early post on Romantic Comedies).  We can hear the reviews now.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll take a bullet in the arm......

A stinging drama that really grips your heart......

Bring some tissues to this painful story of human suffering (you can use them to soak up the blood!)

There will be more blood in Philadelphia today when the Eagles kick off to the visiting Dallas Cowboys, in what has been a circus of a build-up.

Dallas -1.5

Over/Under 42.5

Who knows which Tony Romo will show up?  Who knows which Donovan McNabb will show up?  Will this be the Dallas Defense who stepped up against Pittsburgh? Will Barber play? Will Witten play? Will it matter for the Eagles? (It won't, because Tampa isn't losing at home to the Raiders!)

There are so many questions surrounding this one, that a timid approach is recommended. Nah.

Take the Eagles and take the over

McNabb is on the last year of his contract and Romo is a professional CHOKE.

New England-6 at Buffalo

Over/Under 41.5

We really don't get this spread.  The Patriots are firing on all cylinders and Buffalo is in shambles.  It's quite possible the Patriot defense may win this one on their own!

Take New England and take the OVER ( which is our best bet of the week).

Poor Jacksonville.  Early dark horses to win the Superbowl.  Now traveling to Baltimore in a must win game for the Rams.  This is going to be a slaughter.

Jacksonville +12

Over/Under 36

Skip the over/under--Baltimore has been crazily erratic from a scoring standpoint.  But back it up on the Ravens.

Miami Dolphins +3 at the Jets

Over/Under 43

Easily the most interesting game of the day as Chad Pennington plays the last game of the season against the team that ditched him.  The Jets (rhymes with Mets) have folded the last three weeks. They needed a miracle to beat the Bills and they got manhandled by the 49ers and Broncos.  Yecch.

The Dolphins show up here and we like the over.

And finally---

Denver +8 at San Diego

Over/Under 50

Who's kidding who?  Only a fool would bet a make or break game with an 8 point spread.  But this game went to 39-38 when they first met.  Neither team has a defense unless they are playing the Raiders.

Bet the over.

Well, that's it for now.  Try to take it easy on the Coors Light.  You've got 11 hours of football to watch and we need you upright!

Happy Hunting, and,

Go Stuff!

The Top

He's baaaaaaack!!! (Here's........Jerry!)

"Look, can y'all not understand statements?" Jones said. "What the hell is going on here? Really. I really don't understand what is going on. The coaching staff is in place. The coaching staff is in place. The building is here. You want to ask the question, what if it blows down?"

We just want to ask the question--what if the Cowboys lose to the Eagles on Sunday in some kind of coaching error? Fire Wade Phillips? Nah. Not committed, super-charged dedicated, lovable Jerry Jones. No, he's not whimsical (Pac Man Jones).......

Let's just hope he doesn't have a Santa Suit at home. 

There was a Christmas Eve massacre in Covina, California that was just mind-boggling. A disgruntled ex-husband dressed up as Santa and burned his former in-laws house to the ground with a blowtorch, randomly gunning down party goers as they left. Pretty clever disguise.

Top Ten Reasons for Dressing as Santa During a Murder Spree:

1. The blood won't show on the suit.  Ok, maybe the furry parts
   
2. You can escape on your magic sleigh
3. Now the kids will take naughty or nice seriously!
4. Pillow can be used to muffle the gun
5. Elves are not big enough to hold a weapon
6. You can give "opening up" a whole new meaning
7. Who's going to say "no" to Santa?
8. Over 10,000 blow-torches were given as gifts last year, mostly to crackheads.
9. Dressing as Jesus wouldn't give you the same presence
10. No one can catch you--you're not real!
    

Jerry in a Santa suit.  Doesn't sound that far-fetched....

We're eagerly anticipating this weekend's action.  Only an idiot would even consider games that have no real importance, so we're going to be digging in one 4 or 5:

Dallas at Philly

NYG at Minnesota

NE at Buffalo

Miami at NYJ

and the grandaddy--

Denver at San Diego for all the pizza in the oven.

But today, our attention goes elsewhere, and elsewhere is a College Bowl Game.

Central Michigan -4.5 vs. Florida Atlantic

Over/Under 69

Fort Lauderdale, FL.

First off, whenever the number is 69, we like the over. So that's settled.

Central Michigan brings more to the table, even though this is Florida Atlantic's first bowl game.  CMU is 8-4 and FAU barely managed an even season.  Both teams score a tons and we expect a shoot-out.  CMU wants to win this one so they can attempt to crack the top 25.  Expect a lot of points.

Minnesota Timberwolves @ NY Knicks -4.5

Over/Under 215

OK, are we missing something?  The Timberwolves have been involved in 1 of their last 10 games where they went over 215 points.  We think there was a shitload of weed smoked on Christmas Day by both idle teams while playing X-Box.  We want a logy slow misfiring game.  Actually, we're demanding it.

Play the under

Happy Hunting,

and,

GO STUFF

The TOP

Tempers are running high!

What a week in the NFL!  A fistfight between Brady Quinn and a teammate, a very angry (ok maybe just embarassed Lions coach), and to top matters off, a Jets defensive lineman and fan snowball fight!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzYBHl5zVsY

That's the most emotion the Jets managed all game in their 10-3 disappointing loss to the Seattle Seahawks....

Out in Detroit, Coach Marinelli, whose daughter is married to his defensive coordinator, was asked by a reporter if he wished his daughter had done better!  Ouch!  It does make you wonder--why hire a relative that you most certainly have to fire?  

That's one Christmas dinner the Top would like to avoid.

And our old pal, Brady Quinn, gets a beatdown in the weight room from a defensive end. Another shocker--why fight someone BIGGER than you?

Crazy all the way around. 

It was an impossible weekend.  The Patriots put an utter beating on the Cardinals in a complete snowstorm defying all theories of over/under betting.  (See Cincinnati and NY Jets, however). The Broncos manage to piss it away and put themselves in an away must win situation.  New Orleans takes a knee with 2 minutes to go and screws the over.  The Giants game is a shootout, and Atlanta goes on the road and beats one of the hottest team in the NFC, the Vikings.

Good Lord!  Put that parlay ticket down!

This does, of course, set up an awesome week with at least four DO or DIE games--

Cowboys at Eagles

Broncos at Chargers

New England at Buffalo

Miami at NY

You couldn't ask for much better!

There isn't a lot happening today, unless you want to sneak up on another unpredictable segment of the sports world--College Bowl Games.....

The Pointsettia Bowl

TCU Horned Frogs at Boise State 

TCU-3

Over/Under 46

San Diego, California, 8pm

Sounds obvious, right?  Undefeated Boise State against TC who?  Look again--TCU has lost 2 games all year--Utah by 3 points and a 35-10 loss at Oklahoma. They have a strength of schedule that ranks 20 notches higher than Boise.  They have the number 2 defense in D-1 and the best against the run!

Clearly with the line set as is, the world is expecting a close physical game.   And Boise State can be controlled (relatively). The question for us is:  will Boise State be able to stop TCU?  We think not.

We like the over.  And we like TCU.

Boring stuff we know, but you gotta be in it to win it!

Happy Hunting--

Go Stuff!

The Top

Knock! Knock!

In further proof that there's no recession, Academy Award winner Paris Hilton's home was burglarized on Friday with a loss of over 2 million in jewelry. According to police reports, Hilton had been out partying the night before and was not home at the time (5am) of the incident(what a shock).  And apparently, the burglar had an easy go of it--she didn't lock the front door. If only the perp had stopped to try out Hilton's stripper pole (true!).....

Security cameras captured a photo of the culprit--dressed in a hooded sweatshirt(universal uniform of the minor criminal), who may have been acquainted with Hilton, which really doesn't rule out any half-way decent-looking average male actor in LA......

It was a rough day for the Top yesterday.  The Cowboys were pathetic.  Navy's ship was sunk and our mini-streak was broken.  But never fear, we shall boldly(and bold is our best bet, as well!) predict every game today:

CIN+3.5  @ CLE 31 CINC and Under SNOW!

NO-7 @DET 50 DET and Over Dome, last chance for DET!

MIA -4 @KC 39 KC and Under Arrowhead tough

AZ+8 @ NE 43 NE and Under Brutal weather

SF-5.5@STL 42.5 SF and Under STL sucks!

PITT-2@TENN 34.5 PITT and Under No Haynesworth

BUF+5.5@DEN 45 DEN and Over

HOUS-7@OAK 44 HOUS and Over Slaton, Slaton and more Slaton

NYJ -5@SEA 43 SEA and Under Trap game, and bad weather

PHI-3.5@WAS 38 PHI and Under Best bet of the week!

CAR+3.5@NYG 37.5 NYG and Under Pouring Snow!

We'll leave Green Bay and Chicago for tomorrow.  Until then, happy hunting and...

Go Stuff!

The Top

And she could have been President?

Never ceasing to disappoint......

Shelley Johnston was arrested in her Wasilla, Alaska home last yesterday on suspicion of Oxycontin-related trafficking.  Run of the mill news for Alaska, America's Oxycontin capital. But Shelley Johnston is the mother of Bristol Palin's (she's the pregnant one) boyfriend/fiance.

So, not only would we have had a free-spending, geographically challenged Vice President, but she could have had a bona fide felon in her family. God Bless America!

Hey, at least she can haul in a salmon--which is more than leader of Iraq or Iran can do!

It's a happy Saturday--there are four bowl games, an excellent NFL game and more college and pro basketball than you can shake a stick at!

Baltimore +4 at Dallas 

Over/Under 39.5

Dome

Monstrously important game for both teams--with playoff slots on the line for both.  The two teams rank 2nd and 7th in Defense and neither team has played to over 40 points in their last 3 games.  It seems like the teams will take to the air facing such stalwart rush defenses, but don't be too sure.  And Baltimore has proven that they can struggle mightily if forced to play catch-up.

We think 39.5 points is an awful lot, so play the under.  Who knows on the spread?  But we're inclined to play Dallas ML or Baltimore and the points as they are 9-5 against the spread this year.

Tomorrow, we'll be back with a huge full slate of NFL predictions--the weather is making it an interesting weekend all around.

Until then, Happy Hunting and

Go Stuff!

The Top

Santa, I mean, Bush, loves you!

17.4 billion dollars. Now that's what we call a Chrismas present!


That' s the amount that President Bush, in what might be his last significant move as dictator, signed over to America's underappreciated and unfairly treated car industry today. We've been restrained in our comments so far on this issue--we just didn't think it possible that the free trade Republicans would bail anyone else out, especially the wildly democratic labor contingent pushing the car makers bailout package.

But just in the nick of time! That $9 million salary for the Ford CEO was really coming into question! (that's a lot of Lions season tickets!). Not to mention the 5 mil a year for the other two execs and the 6 million for GM. And we thought Stefan Marbury had it easy!

Run a national treasure into the ground, get paid millions a year to do it, and guess what, it doesn't matter if you screw up--you get a hall pass, courtesy of the taxpayers who can't afford to buy your product in the first place! God Bless America!

The whole business is a ridiculous web of stupidity.

• Invade Iraq, (check)
  


• Drive up oil prices so my friends can make more money (check)

• SUVs become too expensive to drive (oops)

• Sales go down (oops)

• Auto industry goes bankrupt (oops)

• Bailout (check)

My work here is complete!

Detroit is happy, but not as happy as they will be on Sunday after the Lions cover the spread, maybe even beat the New Orleans Saints, capping what may very well be the SINGLE BEST GAMBLING WEEKEND OF THE YEAR.

New Orleans Saints -6.5 at Detroit
Over/Under 50.5
Ford Field (enclosed)

Sure Pierre Thomas will run for 125 yards and 2 touchdowns. Sure the Lions couldn't stop a Pee Wee team. And they have no rushing game. Who cares? They have to win sometime--I mean they aren't the Tampa Bay Bucanneers! And New Orleans has nothing to play for.

This is the same Lion team who gave the Colts a run for their money.

They will cover the spread and this game will be 30-27ish.

We don't like to say, "back up the truck" too loudly, as it can have a jinxing effect, but

BACK UP THE TRUCK!!!!

Arizona @ New England -7
Over/Under 45

Carolina @ New York Giants-3
Over/Under 38.5

Heavy snow is expected the entire weekend in the Northeast, followed by extreme windy conditions. It will be worse in New England, but down south with two running inclined, defensive teams, you can expect a 17-14 type game.

Play a Under parlay. Don't touch the spreads, but if you must, play a NE/NYG Money line parlay to pay even.

Finally, the bowl season starts in earnest tomorrow with a slate of mediocre rat record teams. But bet one must and rare is the time you get to make a wager and watch an 11am football game (8am PST).

Wake Forest -3.5 vs. Navy
Over/Under 43

Navy is getting massively disrespected against a Wake Forest team that started strong and finished poorly. With the Nation's leading rushing offense, we expect the Middies will cover this spread easily and may even be tempting as a Money Line outright.

The Top is just too excited. Santa's coming (and boy is he pissed!), it's snowing and there is so much going on sports wise. We'll leave you with one more thought for the day:

Play a English Premiereship super heinz DRAW on Saturday-Monday. The matchups are as close as they have been all year this weekend and even if you hit 5 of the 10 draws, you'll make money.

Happy Holidays, Happy Hunting and

Go Stuff!

The Top

Bait and Switch!

It's the oldest game in the book. You think you're getting one thing, then lo and behold, someone or somebody removes the veil and you're left with a nightmare. It's all over the place this week, but nowhere is it more apparent than in the nations about to be renovated White House.

You think you're getting a squeaky clean liberal who plays hoops? Wrong--you're getting a smoker whose newly appointed Chief of Staff was found on discredited Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's wiretap no less than 21 times. And Obama has just chosen anti-gay marriage and anti-abortion advocate, Rick Warren, (Purpose Driven Life) to speak at his inauguration!

What's next? A John Mayer/Cold Play White House lawn concert?

Incidentally, given our new President's smoking habit, it might be a good time to ramp your investment in Philip Morries, Loewe's or Lorrilliard. We don't see a heavy hand coming down on the tobacco industry any time soon......

In other news, our old pal Stefan Marbury, who is being paid 21 million a year not to show up at the Knicks games, camp, building etc... bought a courtside ticket to the Knicks/Laker game earlier this week. Knicks lead by 15 at halftime, only to succumb to a murderous Laker rally and lose 114-112. (Who says Marbury isn't a good presence!???).

Marbury, who was interviewed court side, had this to say:

"I'm earning my check by doing nothing....this has been great for me.....I'm getting healthy."

An inspiration to us all in these tough economic times.....

There's a money making opportunity tonight, but we're afraid you will have to do something--

Indianapolis -6.5 @ Jacksonville

Over/Under 44

This is an important, but not critical game to the surging Colts who don't want their season to come down to next week's home game against the Titans. In year's past, this would have been a close fought battle with Jacksonville historically being a thorn in the Pony's side. And we do think that 6.5 on the road is an awful lot to give (but the Packers seemed OK last week!) against a team that has nothing to lose--especially given Indianapolis' shitty run defense.

So we'd advise the OVER for an Indy team that is starting to click offensively. And attention Fantasy owners--Jones Drew is a solid bet tonight.

If you must play it the spread, take the points.....

We'll be back tomorrow with a Saturday Bowl preview and our full NFL predictions. Until then--

Happy Hunting and

Go Stuff!

The Top

Put your clothes on Jennifer Aniston!

We all know the public break-up can be embarrassing.  We all know it sucks to go out with Brad Pitt for a long time, then lose out to skaggy Angelina Jolie. We all know John Mayer (left) is scraping the bottom of the not-that-talented "rock star" boyfriend barrel, though perhaps not quite as bad as previous boyfriend, Counting Crows lead singer, Adam Duritz. (And frankly, both a lot worse than Cold Play).  

And we all know that while Friends is something you might have on in the background in an attempt to placate someone you're involved with, no one really sits and watches it.  

But, appearing on the cover of GQ wearing only a tie, then claiming to be nude? That's like pizza without cheese. Brangelina without the children. The Yankees without an overpaid star who underperforms. Like being named Aniston when your real name is Anastassakis.

Might it have something to do with turning 39 years old?  You know, it happens to us all---that incredible urge to strip down to our underwear and jump in the Pacific Ocean, then claim later with a hearty can of Budweiser that "oh, yeah, we were like totally skinny-dipping and stuff."

We do appreciate Jennifer's effect on the Dow Jones Industrial average.  In fact, there is a direct correlation between her pseudo-nakedness and a recovery in share prices.  Hedge Fund managers have reportedly created a new measurement called "The Aniston Co-effecient" and there is even a new fund called, The GQ Relative Exposure Portfolio."  

Imagine if she actually was ever really nude!  We'd all be rich!

Wealth comes in drips and drabs and the Top is almost fearful of predicting anything in detail as the streak has been going well lately. But we have an obligation to the public and so we'll continue to maintain our high standards of international forecasting.

So many good games this weekend, where to start....hmm.....how about the recent hometown of John Mayer--Atlanta!

Atlanta Falcons -3 at home against Tampa Bay

O/U 44

In a game with huge playoff implications, Tampa Bay comes wobbling in after being run over by the Carolina Panthers (if you call 299 yards rushing being run over!).  An aging team on a short week against a hungry young team with it all on the line?

You have to like Atlanta here, though the three points are probably not worth the extra bet margin.  Skip the over/under, both teams are dead near impossible at 6-7 against the over.  

Take Atlanta ML

Blood, guts, trouble and turmoil:

Pittsburgh +2.5 at Baltimore

O/U 34

People may quite possibly die in this game.  The two toughest defenses in the NFL, at Baltimore, in a divisional game that matters a lot in both teams futures.  Both teams are 10-3 against the spread, with Pittsburgh winning this game last time 23-20 at home.

Pittsburgh leads the division by one game, this is not only for the tie, but margin of victory for the tie-breaker.  34 points is awful low--a total that Pittsburgh has gone under only 5 times this year--and that's with Baltimore, NYG, Indy and NE on their schedule.  Baltimore has only played under that total twice.

Pittsburgh is the better team, but that is of no consequence.

We can't recommend either team, but gun to head, take Pittsburgh and the points.  And play the over.  Even with 14 points in the first half, you're still in the hunt!

We'll be back tomorrow with the carnival of carnivals: Dallas and NYG.

Until then, happy hunting, and:

Go Stuff

The Top

P.S. Arsenal on the road at Middleborough at 7/10.  We like it!

All my heroes are Cowboys!

The world could sure use a real Cowboy right now, because it's certainly not wimpy Marion Barber, lover-boy Tony Romo and most of all, and today's subject, spoiled brat, TERRELL OWENS.

With their backs against the wall and on the heels of Jerry Jones thoughtful injury assessment, now comes Terrell Owens--out with a public bitch session 72 hours before the biggest game in the season.

TO's latest complaint is that close friends and roommates, Tony Romo and Jason Witten, meet in secret to draw up plays that favor Witten.  We've heard this before:

"One time in junior high my best friend didn't invite to the Hannah Montana party first, instead, I got like the invitation like totally after Rachelle.  I was like, so mad!"

Does TO not realize that the Cowboys are playing the Giants for their season on Sunday?  Does he not realize that with Marion Barber out (and ending the Top's Fantasy play-off chances) that the three most important players are him, Witten and Romo?

But does he also not realize that he leads the team in reception yards and has 3 times the number of TDs that Witten has this season?

Perhaps it's just the American zeitgeist right now--everyone is on edge, from car-makers to middle America to over-paid prima donna NFL players.  Maybe T.O. is worried that he'll lose his job like the 150 people that the NFL laid off yesterday.

Rumor has it those people were New Orleans Saints fans, whose suffered a double blow when their team pissed away the season last night in Chicago.  The Top, however, was happy as the overtime ensured the OVER and the Bears ML seemed like the right call.

We're introducing a new Friday feature, The Top Call, where we flash pick every game.  Of course, we reserve the right to edit based on the injury report and late-breaking weather situations.  Best bets are in bold and we'll go deeper into some of the games on both Saturday and Sunday.

TB+3 @ ATL O/U 44.5         ATL, OVER,     Must win for ATL

TN -3 @ HOUS O/U 45        HOUS, OVER,   Hous over good bet

WA-7 @ CIN O/U 36.5         WASH, UNDER,    Under better opt here

SEA-2.5 @ STL O/U 42.5     STL, OVER, Who knows!

GB-1.5 @ JV O/U 45            GB, OVER, See above

SF +6.5 @MIA O/U 41.5      SF, UNDER, Lot of points against Miami

DET +17 @ IND O/U 45      IND, OVER, Highest spread of year

SD-5.5@ KC O/U 45.5         SD, UNDER, Danger game

BUFF+7.5 @ NY O/U 41     NY, OVER, Must win, Bills reeling

MN+3 @ AZ O/U 47            AZ, UNDER, Let down game for Cards

DEN+7.5@ CAR O/U 48     DEN, OVER, Clincher for both teams

NE +7 @ OAK O/U 39.5      NE, UNDER, Cassell the difference here

PITT -2.5 @ BAL O/U 34    PITT, UNDER, Slugfest

NYG-3 @ DAL, O/U 45       DAL, OVER, Air game!

Have a great Friday,  Happy Hunting, and

GO STUFF!

The Top

Happy Birthday Rod! The warning signs were everywhere!

First, an explanation:

If a Senator, as in (Senator Oback Barama of Illinois), gets named or elected to a higher office, i.e. President or Cabinet, then for some crazy constitutional reason, the Governor of that state gets to name their successor, without a lot of formal approval. This is in play in two minor states in 2008: New York and the state of the day: Illinois.

States Rights!  Go Confederates!

And now, to introduce:  

Rod Blagojevich, the current governor of Illinois, (whose birthday is today), was busted big-time yesterday as a result of an ongoing wiretapping investigation.  The Republican lead prosecution is calling the allegations, "the biggest crime spree in political history."  (We wonder: could one man actually outdo the work of hundreds in the Bush administration?)

The wiretaps revealed some shocking behavior by the already suspect "Rod" or as we like to call him, "Rodavich", who allegedly attempted to sell Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat to any bidder provided he could move his own ass on to a higher office. Oh, and he also attempted to extort the now bankrupt Tribune to fire reporters who were writing unfavorably of him. Oh, and he wore a blue tracksuit to court, so we know he's guilty, he pre-dressed for prison! 

But........that's not the point, really....

The Top smells an overdue mismanaged Repub Investigation---

I mean, please, first Spitzer in NY (See Hillary Clinton) and now, Illinois(Barama). Coincidence? Unlikely....

Summer, 2008:

POTUS:  Anyone looking into Illinois?

Handler: Isn't that where Obama is from?

CHENEY: I'll deal with this.  Yes handler, and they're bad in that state--just look in there somewhere, tap someone, we have the power.

Person Who Does What Handler Says: Maybe, the Mayor?

CHENEY: Governor, moron, mayors run cities.

PWDWHS: Oh, right, so you mean that Polish looking guy?

CHENEY: Yup, that's the one.  He's guilty of something. Have you seen his pictures on Google, please!

Now fast forward six months and oops: 

Handler: Mr. Cheney?

CHENEY: Yes, handler?

Handler: We got something in Illinois!!! And it's huge!

CHENEY: You idiot, Obama has already won!

It's a bit like the Wicked Witch wishing she had just found the bucket of water during a routine house search and not turned herself into a gnarly school marm in an attempt to turn back the future!

(Btw, this is definitely leading to a Bears prediction, but this is so juicy we can't quite stop yet).

Back to the "Blagster."

We'll leave out the expletives, and we'll paraphrase our new hero, Mr. Blagojevich on his wiretap (really!):

--Are you kidding me?  A senate seat is worth f**king gold and if you think I'm going to give that up?  You are so f**ing wrong!  I'm ROD BLAGOJEVICH!--I should be a Secretary of something!

It may well go down as the most epic collapse in political history.  But it's not a shock:

A:  His name is ROD

B:  His is Serbian.  

C: Name one good Serbian contributor to modern society that anybody but a Serbian would recognize.

D: Illinois: home of the free and uncorrupt (3 of the last 10 Illinois governors have been busted on criminal charges).

E: Cubs

F: Bears

So Illinois holds great promise for all of our loyal readers.  

Chicago -3

Over/Under 44

26 degrees clear

The Bears will try to grind this out against the NFL's #1 offense.  It's their only chance and it will fail--for the under. With limited weapons and a poor pass defense for the Bear's side, you can watch this turn into a shoot out in the first half. The Saints have been reasonably dependable on the over.

(Oh, and while we're at it: we told you yesterday to take Texas and Under, that's a double win, thank you.......)

Play the Bears over. Skip the points.  Back up, Bears money line, (they can still win the division).

GO STUFF!

The Top

Oh, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!

What is it with the sour grapes NFL owner these days?

Jerry Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys is rapidly establishing himself as a Grade-A heir to the Douchebag throne currently held by long time leader, Al Davis.  Jones called out Marion Barber yesterday for not making the trip to Dallas' ill-fated and mismanaged game at Pittsburgh.  In Jones' own words:

"He can play with that injured toe," Jones said. "He can play with the soreness and a combination of those things. I see nothing that led us to believe he couldn’t."

The Top was totally unaware that Jones in addition to being a successful entrepreneur, had recently added both a psychology and medical degree to his burgeoning list of accomplishments.  Perhaps he should focus his attention a little bit more on the coach and QB, who completely mismanaged a potential scoring drive when they let an unexpected Steeler timeout derail them and Romo threw a game-changing pick.

Nah, better to go after one of the gnarliest and toughest NFL players(see above) and basically call him a pussy, the week before you play your rivals the Giants at their house.  Seems like a winning approach.

Anyway, he must be learning from the king:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bGgAPsKOWk

The Top apologizes for our somewhat inconsistent postings lately.  Things have been, well, a bit rough in the current economic climate (as in, maybe now is not a good time to be known for writing a daily Blog?).  But we take it all in stride and will back to a daily offering for the rest of the year.

We're in a bit of a deadzone this week as college football has dried up, so we'll turn our attention to NCAA basketball and tonight's match-up at the Jimmy V. classic:

#6 Texas-2.5 vs. Villanova: neutral court (Madison Square Garden)

Villanova enjoys a short travel trip here, but has the disadvantage of playing a very light schedule against a Texas team that has already played two top ten teams in Michigan St. and UCLA.

They haven't set the under yet, but that seems appealing (Villanova is 6-2 so far on the under) under the national TV and MSG spotlight.  Both teams are fairly defensive as well.

We think Texas benefits from the schedule.

We like a Texas ML and the under, provided it is in the 140 range.

This is a critical week for the NFL, so we'll start tomorrow with a look at Thursday's game.

Until then, happy hunting and 

Go Stuff!

The Top

Oh, how the great, stupid and murderous have fallen.  Orenthal James Simpson was sentenced for 9 to 33 years yesterday--after rejecting a plea bargain offer that would have shortened his jail term considerably.  

We'll leave aside the fact the OJ was staying at the Las Vegas Palace Station hotel at the time of the robbery (which is a rathole beyond all ratholes(he might have been a little short on cash at the time!)), but we can't really get over the other details of the crime. OJ and four other accomplices robbed a sports memorabilia dealer at gunpoint because the dealer allegedly (they didn't know!) had some articles related to OJ he was going to auction.

Robbing someone with a gun to get memorabilia you could have kept in the first place? Not hiding the guns?  Having two "female friends" in your room when the police arrived? Denying the plea bargain?  Go Juice Go!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=10VZdfoDy4c

(If the link doesn't work, just go to YouTube and time in OJ sentencing)

Unreal.  The whole just episode demands an OJ special from The Top.

USC at UCLA+32

Over/Under 47

It began and ended for OJ on a LA freeway, so we'll start here and just be blunt:

USC is going to CRUSH UCLA.  Yes, there have been upsets in this game.  Yes, there is pride in any rivalry game.  But USC is peaking now and with all eyes on the scoreboard of the Florida game, they will bring every thing to the table.

Give the points, gladly.

Buffalo -1 at home against Miami

Over/Under 42

Of course, OJ was in his prime at Buffalo where he recorded a single season rushing record. Buffalo has been a wretched team to bet on.  They have failed to cover 4 of the last 5 games and they have shown inconsistency on offense leading to an equally unpredictable record against the over/under. Their starting QB Trent Edwards is out and their last game, a 10-3 loss to SF at home probably marked the end of their season.

Miami isn't much better, though they show a slight trend to the unders.  They have also failed to cover 4 of their last 5 games, most recently in an atrocious home effort against Oakland.

Pick'em games are rough, i.e. AVOID them!  But with the teams having scored a combined twenty points last week, we think the under is a fantastic value here, as in, "those guns were under my bed?  Wow?!"

San Francisco +3.5 at home against Jets

Over/Under 44.5

OJ played his final season at SF so we're forced to comment on this difficult game.  The spread has been moving in SF's favor all week because of their gritty away performance (and the Jet's NY fiasco against Denver).  That feels like the right trend.  

SF can play defense (as they demonstrated in Buffalo) and Shaun Hill is better than we thought and the Jets are not as good as everyone thinks.

We like a high-scoring mistake prone game as both teams turn quickly to the air when their running games are stymied.  The Niners have covered 3 of their last 4 games and we think it happens again.

Take the Niners and the Over

Well, we're about to snuggle in for the Florida/Bama game and we'll post live updates during the game.

Go Stuff!

The Top

Poor Chris Martin.....

If you're male and have spent more than 5 minutes around a person of the opposite sex, or even an effeminate colleague during the last 2 years, chances are high you've been forced to listen to the British super band Coldplay. Coldplay is fronted by north Londoner Chris Martin and has been immensely successful on a global scale by regurgitating the same soppy pseudo rock for 2 or 3 albums in a row, practically creating the phrase, "all their songs sound alike."

Chris Martin is also married to crazy headstrong Gwenneth Paltrow, who among other things, has her own weird ass blog and a daughter named "Apple." (which makes us wonder, how long until we see the headline "Apple Martini" on the NY Post!?).

Paltrow, under suspicion of marital stress recently flew to Miami unexpectedly to party with a billionaire ex-boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos(with Paris Hilton above), at an event coincidentally attended by Alex Rodriguez and you guessed it, Madonna. Celebrity Simon Sez in action!

Madonna says: get on a plane

Gwenneth: I'm on a plane

Madonna says: fly to Miami for party

Gwenneth: landing in Miami!

Madonna says: bring a date other than your husband

Gwenneth: bringing ex-boyfriend

We'd love to feel sorry for Chris Martin, but he brought it all on himself. First, can you imagine him moping around the house, drinking "coffee" and wearing baggy jeans and watching shitty documentaries about Darfur? We can!

But to add fire to the flame, it was announced yesterday that aging middle act guitarist Joe Satriani is suing Coldplay for plagiarism, claiming that the most recent Coldplay hit Viva la Vida (loosely translated: Yay! Life!) was stolen from his 2004 instrumental, "If I could Fly". The bottom of the barrel has been reached: stealing Joe Satriani to make a Coldplay song. Chris: why not just listen to your last album and plagiarize your own shit!

The Oakland Raiders, already lying at the bottom of the barrel, did little to help our cause yesterday. We recommended the over and as a back up the Chargers to cover. We should have reversed that as Vegas was dead on with their line of 41.5 (Score was 34-7!).

There's not much going tonight, so we'll take a look in detail at the big one tomorrow--Alabama and Florida, played at a neutral field in Atlanta.

Florida-10

Over/Under 51.5

We've all seen enough of Florida already. They are a team and fanbase that is easy to detest. They have been an easy team, however, to make money on, having covered the spread in all but 2 of their games and rolling through most of the overs.

But in Alabama, they face a team with a serious chip on their shoulders and one of the best defenses in the country (3).

Personal relationships prohibit us from picking a winner in this game-with or without the spread.

But we think Alabama's strong running game (ranked just ahead of Stanford's) and tenacious defense signal a low-scoring game.

Play the under. If you must play the spread, 10 points is most a #1 team has given in a long time, take Bama.

Happy Hunting and put the Coldplay down and step away from the vehicle.

Go Stuff!

The Top